Essay English Language Funny

Essay English Language Funny-24
A neighbourhood in Rome Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty Cauterize........................ Made eye contact with her Colic...............................

A neighbourhood in Rome Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty Cauterize........................ Made eye contact with her Colic............................... What you be, after you be eight Caesarean Section........ A punctuation mark Dilate.............................. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... We'll wait." At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank Heaven for little grills." In a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." And the best one for last… Distinguished, well known Labour Pain................... Getting hurt at work Medical Staff..................

My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience. We hear you coming." In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted." In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully.

By Mark Twain For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet.

The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Essay English Language Funny An Advancement Of Learning Seamus Heaney Essay

In Bobby Darin's ''Mack The Knife,'' the one with the knife, was named: (a) Mac Heath (b) Mac Cloud (c) Mc Namara 9. Though the British Raj over India is no more, they left behind the gift of English, which still firmly holds sway in India and elsewhere.Now English is a funny language, it borrows heavily from various languages and keeps evolving, it bends a lot of rules and seems to go by no logic at all.English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. (a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock (b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock 2. (a) Rebel Without A Cause (b) Blackboard Jungle (c) The Wild Ones 3. The Everly Brothers sang a song called ''Till I ______ You.'' (a) Loved (b) Kissed (c) Met 20. * * * * * * * * * * 1 (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock 2. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? Chuck Berry sang ''Oh, ___________, why can't you be true? ''Wooly _______'' (a) Mammouth (b) Bully (c) Pully 22. Call your plumber." At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee : "Invite us to your next blowout." On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action." On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push." At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. " At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. Cheaper than day rates Node............................. Jones, at your cervix."; In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Septic Tank Truck: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels" At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place."; On a Plumber's truck : "We repair what your husband fixed." On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. A person who has fainted Pelvis........................... Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative.............. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind. SO, I TRIED Retirement AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB! A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER THAT READ: "We will heel you. We will even dye for you." Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Place to do upholstery Rectum......................... But I'm afraid this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx Wonderful Items From Actual Student Papers 1. for support rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple... In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

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